


If I Could, Then I would

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Fix-it: s05e21 Meridian, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-25
Updated: 2006-03-25
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: To watch you, to guide you / through the darkest of your days.





	If I Could, Then I would

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Don't look directly at the sun. Don't ask a Sith what they wear under their robes. Don't sneak up on cats. Might want a hanky.  


* * *

Once again, Daniel was watching Jack. It seemed all he did now that he was ascended was watch Jack. He knew his 'death' would be hard on the colonel, but he never thought it would be like this.

At first he'd thought Jack would be fine...eventually. He could see the shadows of grief in Jack's eyes, and though it hurt him to see the man he loved in so much pain, he knew that grieving was healthy. But then he'd seen Jack shutting himself off, shutting down. Jack had refused to let Sam and Teal'c comfort him. Soon after he'd begun snapping at everyone, including them. Now, he didn't even do that. He avoided everyone whenever possible, and when he had to interact with people he was taciturn and distant. That in itself was troubling. What disturbed Daniel the most were Jack's eyes: they were empty.

Daniel had been watching Jack all day with a sense of dread. Something bad was going to happen, he could feel it. There was nothing especially out of the ordinary about this particular day—Sam was working in her lab, Teal'c assisting and keeping her company, and Jack was hiding in his office doing paperwork so he could get out of the mountain as soon as possible—but Daniel couldn't shake the feeling.

Contrary to what some would think, Jack wasn't one to try to drown his troubles in a bottle. No, Jack dealt with them by being too busy to think, too exhausted to dream. In the time since Daniel's ascension the colonel had re-shingled his roof, built a new observation platform, repainted every wall and ceiling he owned, refinished all the hardwood floors, taken the engine of his truck apart and cleaned every piece, built bookcases for all of Daniel's books and turned the guest room into a library, built cases and shelves for all of Daniel's artifacts, trimmed his trees, mowed his lawn, and planted a garden.

As Jack was leaving his office to go home, Daniel turned to his right, sensing a presence beside him. It was Okara. She must have felt the same dread Daniel did.

Okara was the closest friend Daniel had in his new life. She frequently joined him in watching Jack, offering silent support, her mere presence comforting. She knew how much he loved Jack, how much it hurt him to see Jack and everyone else he loved in pain. She also knew how determined Daniel was to help make the world a better place.

And she knew something else, something Daniel wouldn't admit, even to himself—how unhappy Daniel was. This life wasn't for Daniel. He missed his old life, all the people he loved and who loved him. He wanted to go home. But it was something Daniel had to discover for himself. The only thing Okara could do was offer him what support and comfort she could.

Daniel offered his friend a wan smile and turned his attention back to Jack.

* * *

Jack acknowledged the guard at the entrance to the mountain with a nod of his head. Eyes lowered, he fished his keys out of his pocket and made a beeline for his truck, which ran better now than it ever had. He refused to think about why the Ford ran so well and hastily cut off that train of thought. Unlocking the door, then opening it and sliding in, Jack carefully kept his mind blank, concentrating on what he was doing. He shut the door as he was turning the key in the ignition. Putting the truck in drive, he buckled his seatbelt and tore out of the mountain with a half-hearted wave to the guard at the gate who wished him a good weekend.

_A good weekend,_ Jack thought bitterly. _Never again. Nothing will ever be good again, not without—_ Jack stopped that thought in its tracks and fiercely reached over to switch on the radio to drown out his thoughts. The radio was set to a classic rock station, which was playing "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" by Aerosmith.

Out of habit, Jack started singing along. He smiled to himself. Daniel had been shocked the first time he witnessed Jack singing along with the radio. Now it put a smile on the young linguist's face. With a choked sound, Jack stopped singing and hurriedly changed the station.

The station the dial landed on was playing a song with a bittersweet guitar melody. Liking the sound, Jack left the radio where it was. When the singing began, Jack was frozen—he couldn't turn off the radio or change the station—he could only listen, a tear sliding down his cheek. 

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now  
And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
And sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

When the voice stopped for an instrumental, Jack was able to shake himself out of the spell he'd fallen into. He blinked away his tears and switched stations again.

Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much  
Daniel my brother you are older than me  
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal  
Your eyes have died but you see more than I  
Daniel you're a star in the face of the sky

Jack nearly crashed as tears filled his eyes, blurring his vision. He pulled over onto the side of the road and sobbed. Daniel had been gone for three weeks, and Jack had been barely hanging on by a thread, moving mechanically through life, not really living. Numb. He just couldn't take it anymore. That was it. As soon as he got home, he was gonna finish what he started that day he was recalled to active duty. The day he'd met Daniel. Daniel...the one person who had always believed in him, been there for him, fought with him and kept him sane...loved him, as a friend. The one person Jack loved more than anything in all the world. The one man he couldn't live without.

Head resting on arms crossed over the steering wheel, Jack whispered brokenly, "I'm sorry, Danny. I just can't take it anymore." He hastily wiped the tears from his eyes and sped down the highway towards home...and relief.

* * *

A cold grip of terror squeezing his heart, Daniel turned to Okara. "Oh god, what have I done? If only I'd never come here, Jack would be alright!"

Daniel's pain filled eyes begged Okara to do something, anything.

"We cannot turn back time. But you can go back."

"How?" Daniel cried desperately.

"Concentrate with everything you are on what you want, where you want to be. And it will be."

Daniel closed his eyes and focused on Jack. On his strong, gentle hands, hands that had made Daniel feel accepted, loved, safe. Hands that could give so much comfort and say so much. He thought of the colonel's protectiveness and fierce loyalty and giving nature for those he loved. His warm, caring heart. And he focused on Jack himself. The man he couldn't bear to see hurt. The man he would do anything, give anything for. The man Daniel loved with everything he had, heart and soul.

He concentrated on where he wanted to be more than anything. With Jack, in his life, in his arms.

As Okara watched, Daniel slowly faded away. She smiled and drifted away, happy that her friend was finally where he belonged.

* * *

Jack pulled into his driveway and shut off the truck's engine. Somewhat relieved now that he had made a decision, Jack walked to his front door. He unlocked the door and went inside, automatically shutting and locking it behind him, then hanging up his coat. 

Jack turned around to head for his bedroom and came face-to-face with Daniel. For a moment he gaped in shock, briefly wondering if he'd finally gone around the bend. Daniel was standing before him, real, alive, and very naked. Daniel naked was what convinced Jack that he hadn't lost his mind -- that was just too weird not to be real.

"Jack," Daniel breathed, thankful and anxious all at once.

Jack pulled Daniel to him in a crushing hug, "Oh god...Daniel!" Jack buried his face in the side of Daniel's neck and wept, holding onto the younger man for dear life. "Don't ever leave me again." 

Daniel stroked Jack's hair and rubbed his hand in soothing circles over the colonel's back. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I thought you could make it on your own."

Jack shook his head, "Not anymore, not without you."

Daniel tightened his arms around Jack and leaned his head against the older man's. "I love you, Jack. I won't leave you. You're stuck with me."

"Good." Jack sniffed as he tried to get himself under control. "I love you too, Daniel."

Daniel kissed the top of his colonel's head and continued to hold him.

A short time later, Jack had himself under control and pulled back enough to wipe his eyes. He looked Daniel over for a moment. He was whole, complete, without a sign that the last time Jack had seen him he'd been dying of radiation poisoning. He grinned; Daniel was back! And naked.

"Uh, Daniel?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"Why are you naked?"

Daniel bushed. "Okara—she's one of the ascended—said that to descend all I had to do was concentrate on what I wanted, where I wanted to be and I'd go there. I...um...I guess I forgot to want clothes."

Jack laughed. He'd known that eventually Daniel would graduate from forgetting his shoes to forgetting his clothes altogether. Jack wrapped his arm around his archaeologist and led him towards his bedroom. "Come on. I don't know about you, but I could really use some sleep."

Daniel put his arm around Jack's waist and smiled. "Sleep sounds good."

* * *

songs used were "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls and "Daniel" by Elton John

Wherever You Will Go

So lately been wondering  
who will be there to take my place?  
When I'm gone, you'll need love  
to light the shadows on your face  
If a greater wave shall fall  
and fall upon us all  
Then between the sand and stone  
could you make it on your own?

If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high, or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe I'll find out  
a way to make it back someday  
To watch you, to guide you  
through the darkest of your days  
If a greater wave shall fall  
and fall upon us all  
Well then I hope there's someone out there  
who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high, or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go

Run away with my heart  
Run away with my hope  
Run away with my love

I know now just quite how  
my life and love might still go on  
In your heart, in your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high, or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go

If I could turn back time  
I'll go wherever you will go  
If I could make you mine  
I'll go wherever you will go  
I'll go wherever you will go


End file.
